How To Help Kids Who Withhold Poops

Withholding is one of the most common reasons kids struggle with constipation. It often starts with one painful poop, then becomes a cycle of fear, holding, and even bigger stools. The good news is that withholding is fixable with the right routine and support.

Here are the steps I teach families in my GI practice when a child is afraid to poop or actively holding stool.

Understand Why Kids Withhold

Withholding is rarely about stubbornness. Most kids hold stool because they are trying to avoid something uncomfortable.

Common causes include:

A painful poop
A large hard stool
A negative bathroom experience
Feeling rushed or stressed
Not wanting to stop playing
Toilet anxiety
Lack of routine

When you understand what started the cycle, it becomes easier to break it.

Create a Calm, Predictable Bathroom Routine

Kids do better with structure. A calm routine helps their body and brain feel safe again.

Try:

Same time every day
No rushing
A quiet bathroom space
A small stool under their feet
A fun book or calm distraction
Five minutes of relaxed sitting

Consistency builds trust in the body again.

Soften Stool With the Right Foods

Hard stool is the biggest trigger for withholding. Focus on foods that help make stool softer and easier to pass.

Options include:

Kiwi
Pears
Berries
Oatmeal
Chia seeds
Sweet potatoes
Leafy greens
Water rich fruits

Avoid foods that make stool firmer while your child is learning to relax.

Keep Hydration Steady Throughout the Day

Water helps keep stool soft enough to pass without pain.
Kids often need more hydration than parents realize.

Tips:

Keep a small water bottle nearby
Offer sips during play
Add water rich foods
Offer water with snacks and meals

Pale yellow urine usually means hydration is good.

Use the Right Toilet Position

Proper positioning makes pooping easier for kids who are anxious or afraid.

Make sure:

Feet are supported with a stool
Knees are slightly above hips
Belly is relaxed
Shoulders are loose
No tensing or straining

The right angle opens the rectum and reduces pain.

Teach Belly Breathing to Relax the Pelvic Floor

Many kids unknowingly tighten their muscles when they are scared of pooping. Belly breathing helps the pelvic floor relax so stool can pass more easily.

Try this:

Place hands on the belly
Breathe in gently
Belly rises
Slowly breathe out
Belly softens

Practice at bedtime or during the 5 minute toilet sit.

Offer Encouragement and Stay Calm

Withholding is stressful for parents, but staying calm helps the child stay calm.
Avoid pressure or frustration during toilet time.

Try:

Gentle encouragement
Praise for trying
A reward chart if helpful
Neutral tone
No punishment or shame

Your child needs to feel safe and supported, not rushed.

Create a Regular Toilet Schedule

A predictable schedule helps retrain the brain and gut.

Best times for kids:

After breakfast
After lunch
After school

These times naturally activate the gastrocolic reflex, which helps encourage stool movement.

Talk With a Provider if Stool Is Hard or Painful

Children cannot relax enough to poop if stool is too large or firm.
If your child is passing large or painful stool, talk with a provider about softening plans.

Never ignore pain. Kids will continue to withhold if it hurts.

When To Seek Medical Support

Reach out to a provider if your child:

Has frequent withholding
Passes very large stool
Has stool accidents
Cries or hides during bathroom time
Has blood in the stool
Avoids the toilet completely
Does not improve with routine changes

Children do best with a plan that includes both routine changes and stool softening support.

Your Child Can Break the Withholding Cycle

Withholding is common, and it does not mean anything is wrong with your child. They can learn to trust their body again with slow, gentle, consistent support.

You are doing a great job.
Renee, GI Nurse Practitioner

How To Help Kids Who Withhold Poops